


So It’s A Bom Chicka Wow Wow Thing

by BellaKatrina



Category: Blindspot (TV)
Genre: Awkward Sibling Conversation, Crack Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-16 06:15:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21031586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BellaKatrina/pseuds/BellaKatrina
Summary: Remi can speak like 30 languages, but mush-mouthed virgin isn't one of them.





	So It’s A Bom Chicka Wow Wow Thing

“What is it, I don’t have all day.” Remi barks at her laptop.

“Missed you too.” Roman smiles at her through the screen. “How’s Afghanistan?”

She’s not in Afghanistan, but she can’t tell him that. “Eh, seen one dusty hellhole, you’ve seen them all. Whatcha want?”

“What makes you think I want something?”

“Roman. I am _tired_. I am _dirty_. Someone tried to blow me up – _twice_! – today and we ran out of TP three days ago. I do _not_ have the patience for your shit right now.” She doesn't mention that he's not called her in two months. 

He hesitates, then finally looks down and asks if he can talk to one of her teammates.

“What? No!” She throws up her hands in frustration. 

“You’re PMSy and I’d rather talk with a guy.” He refuses to look up at the webcam. “I just don’t have any guys here I can talk to.”

“What about Rossi?”

“No!” Roman blushes. “I can’t. I’ve already had the world’s most awkward sex talk with him once. Seriously, can you please just let me talk to someone else?”

Remi has to give him that at least. Rossi realized Shepherd had failed to teach them anything after she’d gotten pregnant and tried to make up for lost time. “Yeah, that was rough. So it’s a ‘bom chicka wow wow’ thing?”

He mumbles something and won’t look at her. She laughs, and it’s the first time she’s laughed in _months_. “Roman, you’re 19. You can talk with me about sex. It’s no big deal. And I’ve got the tent to myself, guys are having a circle jerk or something without me.”

“It’s weird. I don’t want to talk about… _that_… with my sister! And do you have to be so crude?” He whines.

“You are _such_ a virgin.” Remi rolls her eyes. “What did you do?”

He turns bright red. “Nothing.”

“Clearly. Again, such a virgin.” She waits for a minute, but sees he’s not going to answer. “Roman. Just tell me what’s going on so we can fix it and I can go the fuck to sleep already.”

“I…” He bites his lip then starts talking entirely too fast and running his words together. “I met this girl and she’s so pretty and I thought things were going well but then she seemed like she wasn’t enjoying it as much as I was and then she…” he puts his hands up over his face and mumbles.

“What? I speak like 30 languages, but mush-mouthed virgin isn’t one of them.” She’s actually surprised he even talked to a girl or done anything more than that, but she doesn’t want to completely discourage him. She kinda thought the only way he'd get some ass if if she bought it for him or if Shepherd ordered him to do so. 

Roman turns so bright red that she’s a bit worried he’s suffocating. “She called out ‘choke me, daddy!’ and I don’t even know what that means and what was I supposed to do?”

“What.” Remi blinks. She must be hallucinating. “She said _what.”_

“Choke me.” Roman clearly annunciates. “Daddy.”

Remi disconnects the video chat without even answering. He was right, she should have handed that call off to someone else. 


End file.
